Hiding Emotions
by Milady Luxanna
Summary: Katarina and Lux create a bound that later develops in something more. While one chooses to embrace it, the other loses herself in a lie that ends up causing nothing more than heartache to both.


This was a short *coughs maybe-not-that-short* story that came into my mind one of these days and I had to write it down. First time writing a girl x girl story, so I apologize for any mistakes or mess ups I may had done. Enjoy!

* * *

I don't remember how or when it happened; was all so damn fast I didn't had time to react. One minute I was sitting outside, on the Institute's garden, enjoying the sun. I remember hearing footsteps behind me; I quickly drew out a dagger but whoever it was, acted way faster than me and everything went black. I woke up hours later, on a remote part of the garden with a massive headache and a note next to me. Ignoring the pain, I straight myself up in a sitting position and grabbed the note, reading it.

"_Next time, I won't be giving you only a headache Katarina. Stay away from my affairs or else. Champion of the League or not, you have no right to step in my path and try to make Lux leave me. You know she would never leave me… So back off. And you have been warned. Curiosity killed the "Kat", don't forget it."_

I crumpled the paper in my hand and held it tight. This thing was going way too far; plus this guy plans for Lux were not the best, not at all. And why did I care? Because I am a fool. I allowed myself to actually befriend a demacian, to actually care and look for her like she was my own sister. But I also allowed myself to develop other feelings that made me nothing but a weakling; this small incident only serving to prove it. Before I would have reacted way faster to my attacker and he would probably be either dead or missing a limb by now. But no. I was too weak and this headache is a notable reminder. That and this invisible dagger I feel above my heart, craved so deep it hurts even to breathe. I slammed my fist onto the ground hard and fought back the tears that I was holding since that day.

_- Two weeks ago –_

- You gave me a hard time on mid lane Katarina! – Lux chirped happily while she patted my shoulder. I flashed her one of my rare smiles and she did the same, before turning around to walk towards her brother, who was waiting patiently at the entrance of the summoning chambers. Lux and I have become quite close for the past months, after she got my back on matches we had to work together as a team. Her perfect timed snares and shield coordinated with my shunpo and deadly lotus were the nightmare of everyone we fought against and we sure got some high praises. We worked so fine together we started to be requested more and more; Noxus and Demacia disputes were put behind our backs and soon enough a bound was created.

Quick strategy talks after matches turned into long conversations during lunch. Match subjects were slowly put behind our backs as we actually took the time to truly know each other; I must admit that part was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life. Lux seemed to be comfortable enough around me to share her deepest thoughts and secrets, even when I had shown no sign of actually care. But of course, since she shared I had to basically do the exact same…She pouted, she threw a fit, she gave me a lecture about how friends have no secrets… I couldn't simply refuse her request and well, I end up telling her everything about my life. Once I was done, she threw her arms around me in a tight hug, catching me completely off guard; my entire body froze. But as she start to sob on my shoulder, my arms moved on their own as I returned the hug, without really taking note of what was happening.

From that day on, we became inseparable. We couldn't really be seen together as much as we wanted, so we used all the excuses available to meet in secrecy, mostly at night, at either her or mine room. The ritual would be always the same: one of us would make tea and get some snacks and we would spend the rest of the night talking about our days and exchanging opinions on the most random subjects. That day was no exception apart from two tiny little details:

One, that night I approached Lux in a different way, letting my feelings finally flow to the surface as I gathered all my courage to actually kiss her on the lips. Second and after that kiss, she gets all apologetic and tells me she actually started seeing someone…

From that day on, I swallowed all the pride I had left and allowed myself to pretend everything was fine, even when she would walk by me, holding hands with him. Even when they would make out like there was no one else the room, I would put my best stoic face and walk away.

My relationship with Lux suffered with all the distance we put between each other. Even if she actually found a free hour to meet me so we could talk, her new boyfriend would pop in, out of nowhere, every freaking single time; would make up some excuse to get her full attention and take her away. Always.

A few days later, and during a match, I was the last minute pick for mid lane. To my surprise, I found myself surrounded by nothing but Demacian champions: Garen, Vayne, Sona and Jarvan. Lux's brother let out a loud sigh when he saw me and seconds later, everyone left the summoner platform into their rightful lanes. Taking the chance, since Jarvan asked for a leash, I joined Garen at the top bush and asked him what happened… Apparently Lux has been failing on her champion duties and kept making excuses to miss important matches here and there. Seeing that genuine worried look written all over not only on his but on everyone else's faces, I made up my mind and decided to confront the light mage.

I paid her a visit that night. She was already in bed but seemed to be wide awake and not surprised at all at my presence. Wasting no time, I went straight to the point. Would be a mistake to just rambling and rambling… I would end up saying things that weren't meant to leave my lips. Her reaction was… peculiar. First she seemed to be in thought, probably agreeing with every word I said… The next minute she lost it and started to yell at me, saying the most horrible things I had yet to hear from someone's mouth, especially someone who was just that close to me. _The dagger was craved. Deep._

_- Present time – _

The note in my hand simply meant that Lux had told her so-called boyfriend about our talk that night. I was really getting sick of that guy's little mind games and even more sick of Lux's puppy like devotion for a man that was doing nothing more than make her suffer in the long run. But I couldn't do anything; I was completely powerless on that subject. I mean, sure I could simply just kick his ass and pretend it was an accident. But the thought of the light mage never forgiving me… Was speaking way louder. I sighed and slowly rose from the ground, my right hand quickly holding onto the tree next to me for support. I was feeling really dizzy from the blow I took but I couldn't stay at that place any longer: was getting dark and was nearly dinner time.

After washing my face at the fountain, I made my way inside the Institute's building, the note neatly folded in my pocket. I passed by a few champions and as usual, I paid them no mind. I met Talon near the entrance of the great hall and walked with him the rest of the way to the dinner hall. We didn't share a word. I sat near my sister Cassiopeia at the Noxian table, at the far edge to avoid any contact with Swain and with the brothers Darius and Draven. Taking a quick glance over my shoulder, I noticed Lux was absent from the table; but what caught my eye was Garen and the other's faces: raw disappointment. Slamming my fist hard on the table, I could swear I had made the entire room jump in surprise. Cassio eyed me carefully as I got up and walked towards the Demacian table, the entire room now watching my every movement. Jarvan was the first to notice me when I stopped and folded my arms above my chest.

- What brings you to our table, Sinister Blade? – He asked, eyeing me with a glint of suspicion.

- I want to solve this issue once and for all. This clearly has gone too far already and I can't really stand watching you all mop anymore. So if you could have the kindness to tell me where I can find Luxanna, I would be gratefully. – My words came out harsher than I expected them to, but I was really on the edge.

- Why would you even care about it Kat? It's our issue, not yours. – Garen spoke. – We should be able to fix this on our own and-

- Shut up. Just shut. Up. – I interrupted him this time, slamming a fist on their table. – I'm serious tired of this situation. I had enough of being summoned at the last minute to cover her position and of seeing you all like that. Weeks have passed and nothing has been done. So I'll take care of this subject myself. Now where is SHE? – I raised my voice. I wasn't playing around anymore and I made it clear.

After a long minute of silence, Sona pulled a paper and gave it to me. In a neat calligraphy that I recognized immediately as being Lux's, it was written:

"_I won't have dinner with you guys, I'm sorry. My boyfriend invited me for a romantic picnic outside since the night isn't that cold. Don't wait up for me in my room, big brother; I'll probably be out until late. – Lux"_

I groaned and muttered an _"I can't believe you allowed this to reach this point" _to Garen, hastily making my way to the glass door that connected the room to the garden. Once outside I started to think where he could have taken Lux to their… picnic. There were so many places where they could be so I decided to just hide myself in the shadows and roam around, eyes and ears in alert.

After walking what seemed like miles, a faint yell caught my attention. I stopped abruptly to listen… and there it was again, another yell. Quickly I tracked the source and made my way between the trees, trying to be as fast and quiet as possible. Now that I was close enough, I could tell who the voice belonged to and what was being said. My heart skipped a beat as I finally dashed in, only to find the worse scenario possible…

Lux was lying on the cold floor with her boyfriend all over her, pinning her down. From where I was standing, I could see tears falling from her eyes; I could also faintly see blood on her cheek, probably from a cut just under her right eye. She was hopelessly crying out for help as he kept on tell her to be quiet, his free hand touching every single part of her fragile body. I instantly snapped and next thing I know, I had the man pinned down, one of my daggers dangerously being held on his neck; Lux took the chance to cover herself the best she could, her sobbing only helping fuel my thirst for his blood.

- I'll murder you right here, right now… - I growled at his face. – For every single thing you did to her… - I pressed the dagger further, drawing a little blood. – And for that little note of yours.

- Katarina… we weren't expecting you. – He chuckled at me. I glared. – Now how about you take that little knife of yours away from my neck so we can have a little chat, perhaps?

- Save it. – I pressed the dagger further into his neck, a yelp of pain escaping his lips. – After what I've seen, I don't want to hear another word from that filthy mouth of yours. The only thing I want is finish you off slowly and painfully…

I could see the fear finally reaching his eyes as he stared right into mine. He knew he had no possible escape the moment my other hand pulled out a second dagger, pointing it right into his heart. At this point, my thirst for his blood was speaking louder than anything else and not even Lux's pleas for me to stop would make me change my mind.

Just when I was about to strike the finish blow upon his heart, a strong pair of arms pulled me off my prey, immobilizing me. I twisted and turn, trying to get free so I could finish what I had start but it was all in vain; the man holding me down made me get on my knees, my arms tightly held behind my back. A pair of summoners came into view and helped Lux's boyfriend getting up. The man's eyes reflected complete terror as he didn't even struggled when they took him away, cuffed.

As soon as I felt the grip on my arms getting weaker, I took the chance to escape using a quick shunpo that put me right behind my target. Just when I was about to use my deadly lotus on him, a hooded man that I recognized as being Talon, knocked me on the floor and immobilized me again.

- Come on Garen, why did you let her escape? She's out of control. She was about to use the deadly lotus and pretty much strike us all dead. If I had failed to knock her down at the right moment, this land would be stained with blood by now. – Talon spoke, trying to sound as harsh as possible. But due to the situation, his words had come way softer that they should.

- I just loosen the grip for a second I swear. I thought she was calm since she stopped struggling. My misjudgment of her actions and my mistake upon my own. – Garen said. – Thank you for acting that fast. You know her better than me after all.

Talon just nodded and glanced at me for a moment. My gaze was now focused on Lux, who was trembling and crying on Soraka's shoulder. While half of myself was still yelling for me to struggle and murder the guy, the other half was pleading me to just go near the light mage and comfort her. Seeing her like that, fragile, was making my heart ache too much as I had to fight back tears that seemed dangerously near to be shed.

What happened after that is just a blur on my mind. I remember Garen taking Lux away and I remember Caitlyn asking me one hundred questions about the situation. I don't remember anything else, not even how was I back to my own room. When I opened my eyes, Cassiopeia was the first person I saw. She had stayed the entire night watching me as I slept to be sure I wouldn't wake up and try anything "funny" _(Her own words)_. Talon and the Starchild appeared at my door a few minutes later, to check on me; him and my sister being literally kicked out of the room as Soraka made question to check my physical condition.

- Those bruises in your wrists do not worry. It shall heal just fine. Caitlyn had to cuff you down for a while yesterday and well… you struggled pretty hard. You were really out of yourself, Sinister Blade.

- I don't remember most of what happened yesterday, especially after… Lux was taken away.

- Something happened between you two, didn't it? – Soraka gave me a small smile before continuing. – She asked for you this morning actually. I must say I was surprised by the way she spoke about you.

- Did she… tell you anything?

- No, she didn't. And even if she did, I wouldn't be sharing her words with no one else. But… she spoke like she was full of regrets Katarina. I know this matter is none of my concern but I can sense you two should probably have a conversation.

- We sure need… - I sighed, rubbing my face out of frustration.

- She's on the medical wing, if you wish to see her. Room 12. – Soraka said, getting up from the chair she was sat on. Just as she was about to open the door to leave, something hit me.

- Wait. – I waited for her to turn around before continuing. – Did he… you know… her?

- No Katarina, you got there in time. Do not worry. Apart from some bruises, she's just fine.

I nodded to the Starchild, completely relieved with her words. As soon as she walked away, I jumped from the bed to get ready. Cassiopeia, who had sneaked into my room once again, was kicked out two seconds later, as I managed to put some clothes on and rushed to the medical wing as fast as I possibly could.

Sona was at the main door as she was waiting on me to appear. She gave me one of her smiles and accompanied me inside, leaving me at the door of the room number 12. Gathering myself, I gave a small knock at the door, before peeking inside. Lux smiled instantly as soon as she saw me and I knew I was welcome to walk inside. I made my way to her bed, sitting down on the edge of it, carefully taking her hand on my own. She seemed a bit surprised with my action at first but soon enough she gave my hand a small squeeze. During what felt like hours, we stayed in silence and she refused to make eye contact with me. I was waiting for her to start the conversation and gave her enough time for the task; but as soon as I realized she wasn't going to do so, I took a stand.

- Lux… We need to talk. – I started, my voice just above a whisper. - Can you please look at me?

She seemed hesitant for a second but soon enough her blue eyes locked with mine. She seemed like she was about to burst into tears; her cheerful and happy self completely erased and replaced by a depressed and hurtful mask. My heart sunk deep and deep as I just wanted to throw my arms around her and hold her close; but I know I couldn't. At least for the time being.

- Can you tell me what happened? I know everything is still too fresh… and I know you're hurting but… I think I deserve an explanation. We were that close and all the sudden you shove me away from your life like I meant… nothing to you. – I paused, my right hand moving to gently wipe a tear that broke free from her eyes. – I just want to know why…

- I'm so sorry, Katarina, I really am… I didn't mean for all this to happen, I really didn't… - She started to sob softly. – That night, when you… kiss me… I panicked. I never felt anything more than friendship for another woman and all the sudden… And when I realized you felt the same I didn't know what to do… - She squeezed my hand tight on her own. – I told you at the time I was seeing someone but… I wasn't. That guy, he kept following me around and despite being nice, I never liked him that much. I was the one who asked him out after that night… - She paused as soon as I looked away. – I regret everything Kat and I wish I could go back in time and fix it, but I can't!

She burst into tears and I couldn't just find to will to face her after those words. All this pain and heart ache over something so… simple. Yes, it would have been simple if she just had the courage to be honest with me that night. Instead, we end up both hurting. But… she almost paid heavy consequences over her mistake and I should crucify her no longer, despite that heavy pain inside my chest reminding me how much I suffered and was still suffering.

Gathering myself, I finally turned my gaze to her. My right hand found its way to her right cheek once again, rubbing it gently. She looked at me puzzled, searching for an emotion, a reaction… an answer.

- We need to put an end on our suffering Lux. We are both hurt and broke by all this mess. I think it's time for us to finally figure what we want.

- You mean… We shouldn't be friends anymore?

- If that's what you want, I'll just-

- No. Please, that's not what I want Kat. – Her left hand moved to touch my own, that was above her cheek. – I know you're right, we have to figure us out and this is the right moment to do so.

- Then… What do you want Lux? – My heart tightens painfully in my chest as I waited for her words. She just flashes me one of her beautiful smiles, as her left hand moves from my own to my arm, making me lean in gently, our faces only inches away.

- You. I want you Katarina.

I couldn't believe in her words and for a moment I thought it was all just a dream. But seeing her face just inches to mine and feeling her breath gently dancing on my lips… Made me realize it was all very real. Letting myself loose on her blue eyes for a second, soon enough I closed my own and leaned in just enough to make our lips touch. To my own surprise, she was the one who initiate the kiss, proving me she meant every word. The heavy ache I felt on my chest was long forgotten by now, as her hands moved towards my neck, pulling me closer.

The lack of air made us break the kiss. Lux turned a beautiful shade of pink and scoffed when I let out a gentle laugh at her expression. During the next couple of hours, we took the time to talk about us and what we were going to do. Soraka ended up walking on us when we were sharing another kiss; but said nothing and just smiled.

When it was time for me to head out, Lux pleaded the Starchild to let me stay the night. She raised an eyebrow since the light mage needed to rest but end up agreeing, lord knows how. She then wished us a good night and left the room, leaving us alone once more. Lux was beginning to show signs of being completely exhausted, mostly over the medication she was under but wasn't being easy to convince her to just sleep.

- No, I want to stay awake Kat. I don't want to close my eyes only to find out this was all just a dream.

- Lux, don't be silly. I'm here, am I? And no, I guarantee you this wasn't a dream. – I leaned in and kissed her forehead gently, getting off the bed to fetch a chair that was in the far corner.

- Alright I'll trust you on that one… - She eyed me as I got up, her curious gaze trying to decode my every movement. – Hm, what are you doing?

- I need to sleep somewhere, don't I? – I moved the chair near her bed, but Lux grabbed my arm before I could sit down. I eyed her curiously.

- You're not going to sleep on that chair Kat. You will wake up with your entire body aching, specially your neck.

- It's not the first time I sleep on a chair, you know? – I snorted softly. – I'll be fine, no worries.

- No… You don't need to sleep on it. The bed is big enough for us both.

- Wait… You want me to… sleep with you?

Lux nodded and pushed herself to the side, making space for me. I hesitated for a moment but soon I gave in; I wanted to hold her close after all, making sure she stayed safe and sound. My boots were discarded along with my jacket, followed by my belt and blades. Once I lay down under the covers, she instantly snuggled close, allowing me to hold her. One more kiss was shared before we said our goodnights, her head now gently laid above my chest.

Just when I was about to fall asleep, I heard her murmur those words I longed to hear since the night I kissed her…

- Kat… I love you.


End file.
